The sexiest turtle.

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Apparently in the late 90's, there was a live action teenage mutant ninja turtle t.v. show. They briefly introduced a female turtle named "Venus de Milo", but after one season the show was canceled, and the creators vowed never to speak of it again.  Here in this building, remains the only known female ninja turtle.  I have seen it with my own eyes, and yes, i found it strangely erotic.

Marie Et Cie - Coffee so good, you will crap your pants.

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This isn't just another coffee shop, this here is weaons-grade coffee.  Being from Seattle, I've got a pension for unsafe levels of caffeine, but this stuff is flat out dangerous.  The first time I had one of their mocha's, I nearly crapped my pants.  It was about thirty minutes from the first sip until I reached "critical mass".  At first I thought it was just a coincidence, but then I went back for more, and it happened again, and again, and again.  The coffee is just too good, I keep going back, now I just make it a point not to wear my good underwear.  Just in case.

They also have a deli case with fresh sammich's, and one of those panini grills.  The Barista told me he could grill any sammich i chose.  It's not on the menu, but I'm willing to bet on a slow day I could talk the barista into fixing me a grilled cheese cake.

Like any other coffee shop, it's got "atmosphere", and like any other coffee shop in the valley, it's also lousy with "writers" pounding away at their macbooks.  Odds are, they're writing a script, or a screenplay, or a novel, and they are just dying for you to ask about it.  Do not talk to these people, do not make eye contact, and most importantly, ?????.  This is potentially dangerous.  

The mustache vending machine.

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Found inside a craptastic Long John Silvers/Kentucky Fried Chicken, you will find a mustache vending machine.  For only 50 cents, you can class up any pet or household appliance.  Now all we need is a vending machine for tophats and monicles.  

San Pedro Fish Market and the Lobster Claw game.

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I rarely leave the valley, but following cinco de mayo I was in the grips of a fierce and vile hangover, and in such a state I find that I am vulnerable to dubious suggestions. The San Pedro Fish Market was worth the trip. Much to my surprise, I found out there's a whole lot of weird seafood you can't get from a drive-thru window. You can pick out your fish, and they'll grill the whole goddamn thing for you right then and there. They even leave the heads on, so you can eat the eyeballs, if eating eyeballs happens to be your cup of tea. After much gagging and retching, I have determined eating eyeballs is, in fact, not my cup of tea.

They also have a Love Maine Lobster crane game. It's just like those arcade crane games where you put in quarters and use a crane arm to pick up stuffed animals, except here your picking up live lobsters. It was the greatest arcade game I have ever played. It took me about $30 dollars to figure out it was cheaper to just buy a lobster, but where's the fun in that?

If you want some quality time with the crane game, it's best to go when it's slow. We went on a weeknight, and the place was like a ghost town. The market had seating for 2,000, and on the weekends they need it. The place is stocked to the gills with fat fatties sporting perpetual hard-ons at the thought of a $2 lobster dinner.