Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Rocket Fizz - Traditional Candy Shop

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The biggest "olde timey candy shoppe" in the valley. Literally hundreds of hard to find sodas and energy drinks, as well as a smattering of obscure and vintage candy. Your virtually guaranteed to stumble across something you haven't seen in years, and completely forgot you can't live without. Remember the "Black Lemonade" they sold at Hot Topic years ago? They got that. Jolt soda? They got that too. The nice fellow behind the counter tells me they have about thirty new products come in a week. Thats thirty new items a week that are speeding me towards morbid obesity, and an untimely, yet delicious, demise.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Arby's - Who knew hookers loved roast beef?

View Strange Valley in a larger mapA prostitute and a roast beef sandwich.

From time to time, like any ordinary man, I am overcome by the urge for piping hot and sloppy roast beef sammiches. Like any ordinary man, I go to Arby's to fulfill those needs. Arby's is rather unremarkable in this fashion. This Arby's, however, is special. It seems to have a hooker infestation. From time to time, I'll find a middle aged women in various states of withdrawal, often with a bent Virginia slim and hot pink stretch pants, waiting for her own special meat ride in the drive-thru.

Monday, July 20, 2009

GameDude - the neckbeard menageri

View Strange Valley in a larger mapIllustration of a lonely joystick, in need of a neckbeard.

This is the largest video game retailer in the valley. As you would expect, you can buy, sell, & trade video games. This type of business attracts a certain kind of clientele, and that clientele is rife with neckbeards. Sometimes I pretend to browse, just so I can observe the wildlife in it's natural habitat, it is truly a strange and beautiful sight. Also, they have a mustache vending machine, not the finest facial hair to be found, but it will do in a pinch.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Ernies Mexican Restaurant - Home of the skylab burrito

View Strange Valley in a larger mapThe Skylab burrito is possibly the greatest contribution the Mexican Space program has ever made.

Ernie's is pretty generic as far as the food goes, save for one special item, the "Skylab Burrito". It's gigantic, and stuffed with meat. I consider this to be the single most important contribution to science the Mexican Space program has ever made.

The decor is mildly erotic, strategically deployed skating rink rope lights set the mood for love. Be warned, there is a resident band of mariachis, and they mean business. How do I know they mean business? They all wear professional "mariachi pants", and those things ain't cheep.

Monday, May 25, 2009

The sexiest turtle.

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Apparently in the late 90's, there was a live action teenage mutant ninja turtle t.v. show. They briefly introduced a female turtle named "Venus de Milo", but after one season the show was canceled, and the creators vowed never to speak of it again.  Here in this building, remains the only known female ninja turtle.  I have seen it with my own eyes, and yes, i found it strangely erotic.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Marie Et Cie - Coffee so good, you will crap your pants.

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This isn't just another coffee shop, this here is weaons-grade coffee.  Being from Seattle, I've got a pension for unsafe levels of caffeine, but this stuff is flat out dangerous.  The first time I had one of their mocha's, I nearly crapped my pants.  It was about thirty minutes from the first sip until I reached "critical mass".  At first I thought it was just a coincidence, but then I went back for more, and it happened again, and again, and again.  The coffee is just too good, I keep going back, now I just make it a point not to wear my good underwear.  Just in case.

They also have a deli case with fresh sammich's, and one of those panini grills.  The Barista told me he could grill any sammich i chose.  It's not on the menu, but I'm willing to bet on a slow day I could talk the barista into fixing me a grilled cheese cake.

Like any other coffee shop, it's got "atmosphere", and like any other coffee shop in the valley, it's also lousy with "writers" pounding away at their macbooks.  Odds are, they're writing a script, or a screenplay, or a novel, and they are just dying for you to ask about it.  Do not talk to these people, do not make eye contact, and most importantly, ?????.  This is potentially dangerous.  

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The mustache vending machine.

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Found inside a craptastic Long John Silvers/Kentucky Fried Chicken, you will find a mustache vending machine.  For only 50 cents, you can class up any pet or household appliance.  Now all we need is a vending machine for tophats and monicles.